Effing awesome story of DOOM!
by Sabaku No Ko-chan
Summary: RECONSTRUCTED! YUP! NOW IT HAS FLAVOR! Koneko gets sucked into a drainage pipe when a prep wants to tango, the Akatsuki have it in for them. XCOMPLETEX
1. Surrender and drainage pipes

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Prologue ~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Koneko was an average girl, who had wavy red hair tipped with white that reached her knees. She had shining blue eyes, and a hot temper. She was friendly most the time, but you don't want to get on her bad side. Koneko's parents died when she was 7, so she lives with her older half brother. William doesn't really pay attention to her because he has to attend college, so she gets to do what she pleases. We'll see where that gets her.

CHAPTER ONE:

SURRENDER

I was trying to finish my essay that was due today before we had to leave for school, we had a week to finish it and I completely procrastinated. I made my essay about school stereo types and how they effect school life. My brother was on edge from being dumped by his girl friend. I don't care if he is technically my "Half" brother, I still think of him as a full fledged brother, he is always there for me. William yelled at me to hurry up just as I finished stuffing things in my backpack.

"Thank you Billy" I told him kissing his cheek and shutting the car door. I shuffled quickly to my home room to see a bunch of people stare at me…. This of coarse, was normal, I didn't dress normally, so they made fun of me. I was dressed in my patented silver tie and black vest. Under the vest was a t-shirt that said 'fangirl for life,' I had regular pants on, and knee high boots that were hard core army styled. I wore my Jashin necklace along with my Gaara wrist-band.

"What are you baka lookin' at?" I spat. Most of the people resumed their previous actions, but a group of 'preps' didn't stand down.

"You honestly think that you can wear _that _in here?" she scoffed.

"Yes I do, just as you plan to wear that Jashin awful pink, it burns my eyes." I retorted.

"Well, as long as you're dressed like _that _you can't come in." she put her hands on her hips. I stared at her for a moment before bitch-slapping her. She dramatically fell to the ground and wailed, making a fuss over the broken skin on her now-purple cheek.

"That's why you don't mess with Otaku, Bitch." I spat.

"KONEKO! OFFICE!" A teacher shouted angrily. I obliged and twirled gracefully out the door, knowing I would get suspended.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Time Skip~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Walking 10 miles is torture. Billy couldn't come pick me up because he was in class, and I was ordered to leave campus immediately. I sighed, continuing my way home until I tripped on the sidewalk, greeted not by a face full of concrete, but darkness and the feeling of falling.

"DAMN DRAIN PIPE!" I screamed as everything swirled around me and turned black.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Time Skip~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I awoke in the middle of the woods. A man with an orange mask was standing over me. I recognized him right away.

"TOBI!" I said, grabbing his neck in a hug. He panicked and drew back.

"Tobi never met you. How does pretty lady know Tobi's name?" He asked.

"You are the BEST cosplayer ever." I said dumbly.

"….cosplayer?"

"Oh. My. Jashin! THIS IS REAL?"

"Has pretty lady ever talked to Hidan before?"

"HA! I wish!" I said standing up.

"Wish granted." Hidan said from behind me. I put my hands in the air.

"Don't sacrifice me! I surrender!" I joked. He chuckled. I looked around to find the entire Akatsuki staring at something, my eyes followed to my necklace which apparently caught their attention. Hidan grabbed it, his expression unreadable.

"You're a Jashinist?" he asked.

"Of coarse! Who else would I worship that would be THAT cool? Killing people as a _mandatory_ daily prayer session, who could resist? Especially me being the sadistic bitch I am." I smirked. The faces on everyone were PRICELESS!

"Pein, can we keep her?"


	2. OH MY JASHIN! ITS A TURKEY!

DISCLAIMER: I NO OWNEESE! If I did….O/O mmmm tacos…

RECAP!

"Pein, can we keep her?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME STORY OF DOOM!~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER TWO: **

**OH MY JASHIN IT'S A TURKEY!**

"Hmm, can you do anything special, little girl?" Pein asked. A huge killing intent came crashing on him.

"**NO ONE CALLS ME LITTLE!" **I screamed taking out my awesome knife of cutting and doom and placing it near his neck. "I am vertically challenged. Say it." I ordered, pressing the knife closer to his jugular. He looked at me impassively. "Don't make me go and hunt down the real you and murder you in your sleep." I threatened. He cleared his throat.

"Can you do anything special, _vertically challenged _girl?" He corrected.

"Uh…I can summon Chuck Norris…and I have knowledge on all of you, I could blackmail you so hard." I said, putting my knife away.

"Oh really? Like what?"

"Hey Itachi, did Sasuke kill Orochimaru yet?" I asked, trying to remember the date.

"I do not believe so." he said, his hand to his chin in thought.

"How do you know about Orochimaru?" Pein questioned.

"One answer, I'm a fangirl." I smirked.

"Oh, so you have a crush on Orochimaru?"

"NO! It means I am a major fan of the show. Dobe." I said, taking a live turkey out of my pocket.

"I-is that a turkey?" Tobi pointed. I nodded.

"Here Tobi, you can pet Taco. He is a nice bird, just don't hit me." I gave Taco to Tobi. Deidara smirked at the challenge, coming up and hitting me up side the head.

"OW!" Taco came charging at Deidara, wings flapping and feathers flying. "Told you." I smirked, sticking my tongue out. "Taco, off." The bird refrained from attacking him and flew to my shoulder. "He is a bit over protective of me, but Taco is my attack turkey." They stared at me.

"So, in all, what show is Orochimaru in? Does he make a lot of money?" Kakuzo asked.

"Naruto of coarse, you are all in it, but most, if not all of the Akatsuki die…sorry. If you all want to live, you have to stop trying to complete your goal. NO JINCHUURIKI FOR YOU!" I said striking a pose.

"…And you know all this how?" Pein retorted.

"How many times do I have to say it? I. AM. A. F-A-N-G-I-R-L!" I said, drawing it out.

"So you know the future?"

"Only what is in the show."

"How do we know that you're not just crazy and making this up?"

"How often does a girl with absolutely no ninja training come crashing down from the sky?"

"…Touché"

"I know, its because I'm awesome! I also have a different power too! Wanna see?" I said, pulling something out of my pocket.

"NO!" they all screamed.

"Fine, Itachi, you want some Pocky?" I pulled some out of my backpack, which I still had surprisingly on my back.

"What exactly is Pocky?" Itachi asked warily.

"It's a biscuit stick covered in chocolate or strawberry, its really good." I told him, handing him a box of strawberry Pocky. Taco hopped down off my shoulder and took some of my Pocky, he preferred chocolate. Next I knew, everyone was fighting over it, so I ended up giving my entire stash away…

"Perhaps we should take her to our hide out before continuing our discussions. Who knows if there might be ninja who would report us." Pein said blind folding me.

"GAH! I'M BLINDED!" I said, as someone picked me up. "WARNING NEXT TIME WOULD BE APPRECIATED!"

"Dear Jashin, why is she so fucking loud!" (guess)

"Jashin already knows I'm loud, so shut your bitch ass face up before I do it for you!" Hidan didn't say another word after that. Branches started hitting me in the face and I felt an odd sensation.

"JASHIN DAMN IT! STOP HITTING ME WITH BRANCHES!" I said, realizing the sensation I was feeling was the feeling of falling. "OH MY JASHIN! I'M GUNNA DIE!" I screamed before being caught. The person took my blind fold off and I stared at big blue eyes.

"Don't worry, you're safe now!" Naruto squealed.

"But I don't WANNA be safe!" I said kicking and screaming. "What did you do to the Akatsuki! D-Did you turn them into wizards!" I questioned, frightened.

"You want me to leave you with them?" he asked, expecting me to say no.

"YES! Now put me DOWN!"

"Sorry, can't do that…" He said, putting me under some odd jutsu that made me fall asleep.

**DUN DUN DUN!**


	3. PUT ME DOWN YOU TREE!

**HELLO PEOPLE! I happened to have no access to the internet at the moment, but I have kind friends that let me mooch off them. ^_^ and the library!**

**Thanks to my awesome knew beta, and all the reviewers, I have been inspired to make this the longest chapter I have ever written! Woo! ONWARD!**

**DISCLAIMER: I NO OWNEESE! DON'T SUE ME! Im afraid of authority figures!**

RECAP!

"Sorry, can't do that…" He said, putting me under some odd jutsu that made me fall asleep.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME STORY OF DOOM!~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER THREE: **

**PUT ME DOWN YOU TREE!(hahaha rhymage…)**

I woke up in the blondes arms, he was staring at me.

"Uh, that's not stalkerish." I said sarcastically, staring back up at him. He gave me his grin and set me down. "Where the hell are we, why am I here, and when can I go back?" His face blanked.

"We happened to be in Konoha, the greatest place ever-"

"Ya, the place that treats you like crap and uses you to do their dirty work, meanwhile not telling you about your parents, who were extremely famous, therefore they are treating the great 4th Hokage's son like a pile of shit. You did save ALL of their lives, but do they thank you, NO! best place ever my ASS!" I interrupted, crossing my arms and looking rather pissed.

"…How old ARE you?" he said. Looking me up and down.

"Mentally or physically?"

"Uh, physically?"

"Oh, then I am 15, mentally I happen to be 5689 years old. But I act 3 most the time. Stupid immaturity, strikes us all. Mostly blondes…WAIT! GAH! It's the sleep over tonight NOOOOOOO! I WAS SUPPOSED TO BRING SODA! NOW THEY WILL BE CAFFEINE-LESS!" I said, sinking to my knees. "I love soda.." I sobbed quietly. I received an odd look from Naruto. "Are we there yet?"

"No, and don't start that, we do it to Kakashi-sensei all the time. We have about 5 minutes to go." I stared blankly at him.

"Are we there yet?"

"NO!"

"You get pissed off too easily."

"Well then shut up."

"What the hell happened, you are NOT Naruto, he is all hyper and awesome. You are pissy and mean."

"Nah, that's just with you, because you are annoying and weird."

"There it is, mister pissy pants, I would change or you will chaff, besides, you just described you!" He raised an eyebrow. "Oh, by the way, your new nickname is Naru-Foxy." Sakura(the banshee) came crossed us and stopped Naruto.

"NARUTO! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO THAT GIRL!" She shrieked, smacking him on the head.

"I was taking her to granny-Tsunade. But if you wanna do it, I will gladly hand her over. Im gunna go get some ramen!" He screamed, throwing me to her.

"PUT ME DOWN YOU TREE! Taco, CODE RED!" I screamed, Taco charged at Sakura and I ran. When I got out of the gate, he flew over to me. "Good bird…" The Akatsuki were waiting for me outside. "So, you were just waiting for me and not helping, why?"

"You might have been a spy." I gave Pain a dirty look.

"SPY! GAH! WHERE!" I screamed, ducking.

"….Well, anyway, we have to get you to our hide out."

"Weren't you already going to do that?"

"Um…no…"

"Then where were you taking me?"

"To be truthful, we just circled around the leaf village until some ninja came to rescue you." I gave him a really dirty look.

"You are a bastard….." I jumped on Tobi's back. "ONWARD NOBLE STEED!"

"Get off me." he said sternly.

"Neva mister Madara pantaloons." I whispered in his ear and I just know he paled. "WOMAN TRIUMPHS OVER MAN!" I squealed while jumping down from Tobi, striking the almighty awesome pose of doom. "Hey Pein, NOW ARE WE GOING TO YOUR SECRET LAIR?" he rubbed his temples.

"The point of it being secret is that no one knows about it, but that can't be achieved if its being SCREAMED across KONOHA!" he had a good point. I felt something gnawing on my arm. I grabbed a news paper (out of no where) and started hitting Zetsu.

"BAD ZETSU BAD! NO EATING AWESOME PEOPLEZ!" He whined and let go of my arm.

"WAIT! Being the awesome weirdioest canable I am, I have people flavored candah!"(cooler way of saying candy) I scrambled through my bag, pulling out people shaped suckers.

"Where the hell did you get those?" Deidara questioned.

"A very good inquiry! I, Got these, AT COMI-CON! You can get everything there."

"Kami-con?" said one of them, I wasn't paying attention.

"NO! COMI-CON! THE CONVENTION OF COMICS! IN ARIZONA! The best place for nerds, fangirls, fan boys and of coarse, OBSESSIVE SADISTIC WEIRDO BITCHES!" I said, pointing to myself. Everyone was just staring at me. " Soooooo can we go now?" Mister Madara pantaloons picked me up, and through me over his shoulder. "I hate this kind of transportation…" I whispered. I swear, he was being extra mean when he was carrying me. I know this because he swung me into a tree.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Time Skip~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When we finally got there, it was night.

"Who wants a third partner." Pain said, clapping his hands together. Everyone's hand came up except for and Deidara's. I raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, we'll have to fight for her!" Pain exclaimed. The entire Akatsuki charged each other besides Deidei.

**ABOUT 15 MINUTES LATER! ^_^**

Four people emerged from the wreck, Tobi Hidan Zetsu and Itachi

"You guys can share." Pain said. "A month each." I, of coarse, face vaulted. Share me HOW?

"Um, who gets the first month?" Who else but Madara's hand came up. Great…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**Ko-Chan: sorry it took so long, BUT IT'S THE LONGEST CHAPTER I'VE WRITTEN! Oh, and I was evicted, lost my job, and had my horses ceased, which caused shingles…WHICH IS AN OLD LADY DISEASE! I'm fucking 14 and have shingles. This may cause some doomness and destruction on the time schedule.**

**Koneko: which says a lot. Her life isn't too bad. **

**Ko-Chan: you're right. [insert weird overly smiley face here =D]**

**See you next time….JA NE!**

**-Ko-Chan**


	4. NO MR KOOLAID MAN DONT TOUCH ME THERE!

**Because I am awesome, I decided to DOUBLE UPDATE! BWAHAHAHA! *smirks* I'm so cool… oh, and the sad thing is, these things are based off the things in my actual life, if it was my bio, however, it would be so random your head would spin. But I did have an attack bird named Taco, he was a turkey, and he learned tricks. It was kick ass! **

**DISCLAIMER: I NO OWNEESE! IM TOO POOR TO OWN NARUTO! I do however, own a shojo beat magazine, and a shonen jump!**

RECAP!

"Um, who gets the first month?" Who else but Madara's hand came up. Great…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME STORY OF DOOM!~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER FOUR:**

**NO MISTER KOOL-AID MAN! DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!**

"FUCK NO!" I screamed, waving a spork in the air near the closest person.

"But everyone likes Tobi, besides us yeah." Deidara said skeptically. I crossed my arms.

"I know something you don't. HE is really MADA-MMMFF" Madara clapped his hand over my mouth. He started to drag me away.

"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY! Tobi going to teach Koneko how to be Akatsuki!" Um, he is going to teach me how to be dawn? Weird ass fucking s-ranked criminal. Who wants to be a dish soap? Once we were away from the crowd, he used one of those shadow flicker thingies to teleport us into a cave.

"DON'T YOU TRY ANYTHING!" I screamed, reaching into my pocket to get my secret powah!

"I won't if you keep my secret." I took my hand out of my pocket, perhaps now wasn't the right time to reveal my powah.

"Where is the fun in that?" His eyebrows creased. He walked up to me and put his hands on my stomach. "H-hey! That's not PG!" he started to work his way up.

"Yes, where _is_ the fun in that?" he whispered in my ear.

"NO MISTER KOOL-AID MAN! DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!" I screamed. "Don't make me smack you! Don't think I wont!" His hands crept up to my chesticals.(aka boobs)

"Are you sure you want to do that?" My hand hit his mask.

"YES!" I shook my hand, dear Jashin that hurt. "N-no, maybe that wasn't the best idea…" Seeing as he didn't seemed fazed by it at all.

Suddenly, like a man shining in armor, Deidara popped in on his awesome bird thingies.

"PRAISE JASHIN! IM SAVED!" I said, throwing my hands up. "SADISTIC FANGIRL TRIUMPHS OVER EVIL MULTI-PERSONALITY MAN!" I said, striking Gai's nice guy pose.

"Uh…so what village are we going to, Yeah?"

"You know, I think you sound Canadian." I told him. He eyed me. "Well you do!"

"Uh-huh, well, I say Suna, that's where Shukaku's jinchuuriki is, yeah."

"NOOOO! I like Gaara, even if the Shippuden series turned him into a pussy! Can we visit without killing him?" I pleaded. Once Gaara dies, he has this epiphany thing and starts to care! I cant have this! "Gaara can't be a pussy. He is the only red-headed sadistic awesome sand wielding guy in anime history, Sasori is a puppet." I pouted.

"KONEKO! don't be sad, Tobi is sure we can visit, if Koneko minds her manners." I glared at him. Tobi doesn't get to bribe me.

"NAUGHTY NAUGHTY KOOL-AID YOU DO THAT OUTSIDE!" **(stolen from my friend robin) **"Don't bribe the briber, young sky walker. Apparently ninjas can't dodge or fight off turkeys, because Taco really kicks your asses." I said, thinking about it. Of coarse Sakura is completely useless so she doesn't count. "I completely changed the subject." I concluded. Weird.

"We need jinchuuriki if we are going to rule the world, yeah."

"Well, seeing how you blow yourself up, and sadly don't even kill the bastard, you're not exactly the one to talk." I retorted.

"Who, Yeah?" it so sounds like he is talking on a cell phone, 'no, yeah, uhuh, can you here me now?' [insert crazy over done laughter here]

"Pfft…"

"what's so funny un?"

"Oh, just my internal voices getting out of control…" BAD VOICES BAD! "By the way, you try to blow up Sas-uke **(sorry if you like the emo bastard, but I don't particularly favor him, and since it is my story, I get to call him what I want.) **and fail…

"Is that my fault? I don't think so yeah."

"It kinda is, if you didn't go all 'OROCHIMARU'S MY KILL!' then you wouldn't have been in that situation."

"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY! TOBI SAYS WE GO TO SUNA!"

"EEEEEEE! I LOVE YOU! YAY! I GET TO SING MISTER SAND MAN! Now the only goal left is to sing cold hearted snake to Orochimaru…." (**watch real ninjas on you tube, its hilarious.)** my victory was short-lived, Tobi/Madara pantaloons had a weird gleam in his…um eye. Numa Numa instantly popped in my head, I don't know why, it just did. "Mieahee, mieahaa, mieahaw, mieah HA HA!" they stared at me. "Can I have a cloak thing? AND A HEAD BAND! That would be so cool!"

"uh, Oh yeah! Tobi forgot about that completely!" he said, pulling out the cloak and awesome sand village head band! Tuna Suna… but Suna doesn't have fish in it…huh.

"BONGO! Sooo, when we going?"

"Now." Tobi said, grabbing my arm and throwing me on Deidara's bird thing.

"WHEN DID THIS GET HERE!"

"About the time when you started singing, yeah." I scowled.

"Oh shit!" I scrambled for my backpack, taking out some bird food. "Taco, dinner!" He hopped up on my shoulder. Another song came into my head, the misheard lyrics of that death note song… "**POOOOOOORRRRNNNNN**!" Taco looks at me once and continues eating his meal. "Are we there yet?"

"No, yeah."

"How about now?"

"No, yeah." he sighed.

"Now?"

"No, yeah."

"Is that a yes or a no?"

"NO, yeah."

"pfft…" I giggled. Tobi decides to join in.

"Koneko, don't pick on Deidara-sempai. He doesn't have a sense of humor."

"Pff-HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAA" Just as Deidei was opening his mouth to say something, Tobi jumped up.

"WE'RE HERE!" they of coarse, had to go in disguises. I just had to dress normally. Gaara had not become Kazekage yet, so I was going to have fun.

"Oh mister sand man, where could you be." I fake pouted. It didn't take too long for me to find him. "EEEEEEEEEE!" I screamed, thunder glomping him to hell. Then pinning him down while singing mister sand man.

Mister Sandman, bring me a dream bum, bum, bum, bumMake him the cutest that I've ever seen bum, bum, bum, bumGive him two lips like roses in clover Then tell him that his lonesome nights are over Sandman, I'm so alone Don't have nobody to call my own Please turn on your magic beam Mister Sandman, bring me a dream bum, bum, bum, bum,bum,bum,bum,bum, bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum, bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum, bum, bum Mister Sandman, bring me a dream Make him the cutest that I've ever seen Give him the word that I'm not a rover Then tell him that his lonesome nights are over Sandman, I'm so alone Don't have nobody to call my own Please turn on your magic beam Mister Sandman, bring me a dream Mister Sandman, yes, bring us a dream Give him a pair of eyes with a "come hither" gleam Give him a lonely heart like Pagliacci And lots of wavy hair like Liberace Mister Sandman, someone to hold Would be so peachy before we're to old So please turn on your magic beamMister Sandman, brings us Please, please, please Mister Sandman, bring us a dream

"Okay, you can kill me, all my goals are complete, besides ruling the world but that's not too likely to happen." I smirked.

"What. The. Hell!"

"Er…sorry, I am kinda crazy, I mean, I am basically a huge fangirl of yours. Sure I had to travel cross-dimensionally to glomp you, but it was fucking worth it!" huh, now I have to glomp Tobi, Kakashi, and Itachi. Then kill Sas-uke, and poke Sasori. And I will be fulfilled for life. Im so obsessive…. "Well, mission complete! Now I must go and do evil stuff. Until we meet again.. In my dreams, good luck with becoming Kazekage, and I pity you for having to put up with Matsuri. I may be one hell of a fangirl, but she's not worth it!" I said, running and glomping Tobi. "Two down, four to go."

**3 WEEKS LATER.**

"Alright, Its Itachi's turn." Pain said, pushing me over to him.

"Can I braid your hair?" His face was unreadable. "Does someone need a hug?" I said in a baby voice. He raised an eyebrow before I latched myself to his waist. Three more to go.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**O.O correction with the last chapter, THIS is my longest! Im so proud. *Sniff* oh and PIE, that is vital information, you will need it to access my brain when I die. The question is, who is the worlds most important person? Yes, I DO make sense. **

**See you next chapter, Lub all dat rebu! (love all that review) **

**-Ko-chan (huh, it kinda sounds like Koneko abbreviated. Im sure its not intentional.) SARCASM! *_***


	5. But i love cookies, they taste like glue

**PASSWORD? Bwahahahaha, kidding. welcome to my triumphant updated AWESOME STORY!…of doom. ^_^ I am currently happy with my situation. I may not have internet but the library rocks. Mmm, old book smell. They should make the smell of horse sweat into a perfume. That would rock. Oh and COMI-CON IS COMING UP! Im going as Gaara, since my hair is already dyed really really really red. I just need a costume. Onward!**

**Disclaimer: um, I used to own it, but I sold it for a grilled cheese sandwich, a taco, and a hug from the voice actors of the Akatsuki and Gaara. ^_^;**

RECAP!

He raised an eyebrow before I latched myself to his waist. Three more to go.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME STORY OF DOOM!~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER FIVE:**

**But I love cookies, they're so good and taste like glue!**

"Get off me." Itachi demanded.

"This is going to be great! We can have sleepovers and do make up and gossip! I feel girly!"

"Im not a girl." He growled.

"**YES YOU ARE!**"

"O-okay okay, I'm a girl!" Itachi put his hands up defensively.

"That's RIGHT! A girl with testicles instead of chesticals, but that's alright." I patted him on the head and smiled, whipping out my gay-o-meter. "Press the button." He complied. The lights went off and it started to beep.

"O-hoo, I have dibs! this ones in the closet!" It said in a flamboyant voice.

"I LOVE THIS THING! I got it at Spencer's." I said, pressing the button for myself.

"Mhm! This cutie swings both ways!" I smacked it. Itachi's eyebrow rose again.

"Do you?"

"NUNNA YOUR BUSINESS!" I screamed, trying to hide my blush. He grabbed my cloak and Kisame followed like a lost puppy. "Pssst! Itachi! You do know Kisame has a man crush on you, right?" I whispered.

"Hn."

"NOOOOO! DON'T TURN INTO YOUR BROTHER!"

"You're not fond of my brother, are you?"

"What gives you that impression?" I smiled sweetly at him.

"You just give off that vibe." He sweat-dropped.

"Good, because it would be terrible to give off that I was a duck ass lover. KUKUKUKU!"

"I see."

"REALITY SUCKS DONKEY BALLS. No offence to the donkeys. ROCKET MAAAAAANNNNNN! UP UP AND SOMEWHAT AWAY! You should give me a cookie."

"Why?"

"Because I love cookies and you love me. And I love cookies….and you love me?"

"No."

"BUT I LOVE COOKIES! THEY TASTE LIKE GLUE! **AND I GAVE YOU POCKY!" **

"Er….here.." Kisame squeaked handing me a cookie.

"I WUB CHU KISSY MAN!" Kissy man is my nickname for him.

"You frighten me somewhat." Itachi said.

"SO do YOU but not much. ONWARD TO SUNRISE!"

"Can we just do a time skip?" Kissy man questioned.

"HAND(pfft…hands) me the REMOTE and I shall!" I said, grabbing(HAHAHA somewhat perverted) the remote.(with both HANDS!)

**TIME SKIP! **

**Sleepover!**

So, here I am, with a blue man, a weasel and a pet attack turkey, having a sleep over. This is OFFICIALLY the weirdest thing I've ever done….so far. GAH THE RINGING NOISE! By the way, you lost the game…(if you understand that inside joke.) I BROKE THE FOURTH WALL! ^_^

"Yo Taco! Hand me some Pocky!" I demanded. Of coarse Taco agreed.

"MMMHMM, CHU GOTHA GETH RAID ITASHI!(you gotta get laid Itachi) CHUR TOO UBTIPE!(your too uptight)" I said with my mouth full of pocky.

"I rather not." he said, not looking up from the book he was reading, I swallowed before continuing.

"But you have to! Well, I am still a virgin because males piss me off. But for you, you've got no reason besides being gay, and I KNOW you're not gay. I've seen what you read." I smiled menacingly.

"Who says I'm a virgin?"

"Well, Mr. Kishi says that you can last 48 hours, with a fast recover time….is that true?" He blushed so hard it looked like his face was going to fall off.

"Uhh-er. I don't have to answer that." after that there was an awkward silence.

"Soooooo….Now can I braid your hair?"

"…Fine." he said turning around.

"YAY! I'm gunna do the mermaid braid!" he sighed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**Hey people, ya it was a REALLY short chapter…. If you question me about the game, the game is a game where you try not to think about the game. If you think about it, you have to say "I lost the game" and other people are then reminded of the game and have to say it too. Its weird but fun. And I lost the game! ^_^**

**Ko-chan! (OR AM I?)**


	6. Trees and makeup!

**HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! I wub da pe0plez dat review. Did you see that! I did that c00l thing where I replace the o's with 0's! hahaha. Im so awesome…yay! Onward!**

**DISCLAIMER: I NO OWN…I own a Jashin necklace and various stalkerish posters of Naruto characters though!**

RECAP!

"YAY! I'm gunna do the mermaid braid!" he sighed.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME STORY OF DOOM!~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER SIX:**

**TREES AND MAKE UP! (warning, slightly emo chapter)**

Okay, so its been two months since I have fallen from the sky. Im running low on bird food and I really miss my brother. So I figure that I have to go back the way I came, but here is the problem…I can't fly…so I do the next best thing! I climb on the tallest tree I can find and try jumping into the sky!

"What are you doing?" Hidan asks as I climb up the tree.

"What a stupid question, what does it look like?"

"It looks like you're climbing a tree." he states dumbly.

"NO! I, being the brilliant awesome beautiful, humble Marry-sue I am, came up with a plan!"

"What is your plan?"

"NO! I don't wanna repeat myself! Scroll up!"

"I can't read."

"WHAT! Stupid S-ranked criminal, doesn't know how to read." I mumble to myself. "LOOK! All you need to know is I am jumping into the sky!" I scream at him. It seemed like a smart idea… until I looked down. I gathered up all my strength and bounced high into the sky. I was actually going up! "IT FUCKING WORKED! MY DUMBASS PLAN WORKED!" I screamed. Black filled my senses yet again.

**A LITTLE BIT LATTER! **

I awoke on the side of the road. My head was pounding as I stood up and began walking home. My brother was going to be pissed. Sure enough, on a pole was a picture of me holding Taco, with LOST on it taped up. I sighed.

**AT HOME!**

When I got home my brother wasn't there. I was still in my cloak and wanted to stay like that. I decided to surprise my brother and cook his favorite, shrimp. So I got them out and started the pan. I got kinda distracted though when one started to talk to me.

"HOLY SHIT!"

"You're back! When did this happen? Where were you? Do you know how much I've worried over you?" the shrimp said.

"Uh, no actually, I didn't think shrimp could talk, let alone care about my well being."

"The shrimp's not talking Koneko! IM HOME!" I stared at my brother who was standing in the doorway.

"HOW DO I KNOW ITS NOT AN ILLUSION!" I said defensively.

"Where were you?"

"I was traveling cross-dimensionally! Where else?"

"Uhuh. Well I have to call the police to tell them you're not dead." Bill said, going into the other room.

" I will be in my room!" I called. Tomorrow was a school day, and I wasn't looking forward to it. Then the smoke-detector went off, followed by a stream of cursing, OH SHIT THE SHRIMP! Oops, I guess that's what you get, Billy Billy Butt Butt.

**THE NEXT DAY, BECAUSE IM LAZY AND REAL LIFE IS BORING!**

I slammed the car door and staggered to the entry of school. I refused to take off the cloak and wore it to school. Wouldn't you? The girly girls blocked my way, surprising huh? "Well well, if it isn't the fucking attention hog, I thought you died."

"Wouldn't you like that? Now, I will give you two choices, one, get out of my way, or two, I cut your throat with a kunai." I said, twirling the metal weapon in my hand. I had no patients for these girls. And I knew when to be hyper and when not to be. Even though I don't judge the significance accurately. The girl stood her ground, eyeing my kunai.

"That things probably plastic, no idiot would bring a weapon to school." she smirked.

"you really wanna test it?" her smile grew. I took that as a yes. In that moment I had her arms pinned behind her back, on her knees with my kunai at her throat. "Sharp enough for you?"

"Koneko! PRINCIPLES OFFICE NOW!" I nodded my head, the girl was crying. I win. My brother was there having a chat with the principle.

"Yes sir, it wont happen again, Koneko has been rather odd since her return. Mentally unstable if you will." I staggered back. My brother thought I was crazy! I booked it, tears streaming down my face. I guess the only ones who cared for my presence was me, myself, and probably Taco, because I feed him. I ran all the way home, taking a short cut I learned yesterday. I ran to the house, straight to my room and slammed the door, letting the tears explode from my face.

"H-hey Taco?" Taco peaked his head from my backpack. "You wanna go back?" I asked. The real world isn't meant for us. Plus I have my supply of food.

"Gloflflflflfl!" he said excitedly. He got to attack a lot more people down there than here. I traveled to the gutter to find Hidan there waiting for me.

"Hidan!" I said, glomping him with tears down my face.

"HEY! Get your ass off me!" he tensed

"Oh come on, I know you care." his hold on me softened. "You knew I would be back."

"Either that or I was gunna drag you back, bitch!"

"Don't you call me bitch you cock sucking ass-hole!"

"Well come on, we haven't got all day to get your ass back!"

"Hold on, can we take care of something?"

"Sure, what?"

**BWAHAHAHA! SCHOOL LUNCH!**

"Oh Kelly! Nice to see you without a cut around your throat!" I gloated.

"HM!" she snuffed me.

"Hey Kelly, I just wanted to apologize, so I got you some make-up!" I said, holding out a box. She took it harshly.

"Nice to know you have SOME manners." Heh, what she didn't know was that it was dye, and it turned bile green 5 minutes after you put it on, but right now, it was a foundation, perfectly suited to her skin tone, I'm such a fucking genius.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**Yosh I know tis short, but it made a perfect thing for what I'm planning to do in the next chapter. You have to admit, that would be kick-ass if they actually made that sort of stuff. AWESOME! You know, I would give them to every girl I saw, just to see their faces puke green. Hahaha, totally worth getting my ass kicked. JA!**

**Ko-chan! **


	7. Locks and stalkers!

**H3Y PEOPLEZ! You actually read this? Wow, you have no life… or just REALLY REALLY like me, or is one of my stalkers…*COUGH! Art/nateCOUGH!* ONWARD!**

**DISCLAIMER: I NO OWN…I own a company who makes tooth picks, but no Naruto, sorry.**

RECAP!

Heh, what she didn't know was that it was dye, and it turned bile green 5 minutes after you put it on, but right now, it was a foundation, perfectly suited to her skin tone, I'm such a fucking genius.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME STORY OF DOOM!~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER SEVEN:**

**Locks and stalkers!**

I walked to my house in an Akatsuki uniform with Hidan to get some of my stuff. He of course, was way paranoid about people seeing us so he teleported us into my house….where the entire Akatsuki was.

"WHY DO YOU PEOPLE LOVE TO STALK ME!"

"W-we teleported in here, but somehow, we're stuck, we can't break your door down." Kakuzo sighed.

"One thing, its metal, its not gunna break down easily! TWO! Look." I went up to the door, and -click- "You can't really get anywhere if the door is locked." I crossed my arms smugly. "Honestly, how do you lock yourselves in a house?" that would be an interesting call to the locksmith. I heard someone coming up the stairs (we live in an apartment.)

"SHIT! Quick! My room! NOW!" I demanded, pushing the Akatsuki into my room. The door clicked.

"I'm Home! Koneko, I need to talk to you!" I slammed my door shut and locked it.

"FUCK OFF! IM OFFICIALLY DEMOTING YOU FROM BROTHERDOM!" I screamed. I was mad, but I had to keep him from coming in here.

"Koneko! Threatening girly girls with kunai is not funny! I don't care how much you hate them!"

"You're wrong! It was VERY funny to me!" I screamed. "BESIDES! YOU CALLED ME CRAZY!"

"…."

"HA! I WIN! NOW FUCK OFF!" I screamed angrily.

"You threatened someone from your world with a kunai? My little bitch is growing up." Hidan smirked.

"Don't call me little, fuck face. And don't call me bitch you fucking asshat pop rocket!" I wrote a note and we all did a flicker thing to the drain pipe.

**William's pov**

It was night time and I hadn't heard a peep from Koneko. I decided to check on her. I opened her bedroom door to find a note that hung from a string flop in my face. It read,

_Fuck face, I went back with my friends. Yes, I DO have friends…just not ones from this world. Screw you, I'm gone for good. _

_P.S. step forward._

I stepped forward completely forgetting about her set of traps. A rope snapped and I was hanging upside down with a gooey substance leaking from a hose onto my backside. Another note flopped down; it was written upside down.

_HAHAHAHAHAHA, don't worry, Mel will come down to cut you loose in about a day. By the way, that was cat urine mixed with oatmeal and spoiled milk. I win! _

I sighed. I had forgotten about Koneko's friend named Mel until now. I hope she came soon. Wait…where did she get CAT URINE!

**BACK TO KONEKO'S POV!**

My Koneko senses told me William fell into my lovely little trap.

"CHICKEN-POT-PIE!" I jumped up, startling everyone.

"What is wrong with you?" Pain asked.

"They're my three favorite things!" I squealed. Itachi chuckled. "SMILE DAMN YOU!" I screamed. "Huff, Itachi's too cool to smile. HUFF! HUFF!" I imitated.

"I don't sound like that." he brooded.

"IM SENSITIVE! NO! I MUST PROTECT MY MOJO! MOOOOOJOOOO! Moe Joe Joe Joe! RED LIGHT DISTRICT! Wait what! Oh right. GREEN LIGHT! YOU JUST GOT CAUGHT CHEATING BY CHUR GIRL FRIEND! GAH DA LIGHT! Okay, random moment iz over, you can get up from chur cowering… BOMB!" wait, I just thought of something. "Never say 's' words with a 'sh' substitute. I have learned from experience. NUMBAH 1! Sit! NUMBAH 2! City! NUMBAH 3! Save the pussy! THAT TISH ALL!" I sat quietly. "Soooooooo we going back yet?"

"…I'm severely disturbed." Itachi said.

"Yes, we are all disturbed. And yes, we are now going back." Pain said. We all did a body flicker to the teleportation thingy that was disguised as a DRAIN PIPE! Damn drain pipes. Murmur murmur PROFANITY! Anyway, we went back…so….ya…DON'T BLAME SMEE! He didn't know!

"HE DIDN'T SEE THE NO KILLING SIGN ON THE DOOR!" I screamed, horrified. Everyone stared at me. "Um…sorry…inner voices again…"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**HEY! GUESS WHAT! Well…guess. NOW! I luv chu! GUESS WHY! Because you reviewed ^_^ you all rock! I feel awesome! NOT ONE FLAME! None of my stories have not gotten flamed. I just feel like I finally got it right! WOO! I know every story has at least one flame…BUT NOT THIS ONE! BWAHAHAHAHA! *arms across chest* **

**Ko-chan! You know you love me.**


	8. crying children underwear gnomes and

**HEY PEOPLEZ! THIS IS MY 8****th**** CHAPTER! The most I have ever written on a story I haven't abandoned because of horrible grammar and FLAMES! YAY! ONWARD!**

**DISCLAIMER: I NO OWN…IM BROKE. TAKE WHAT YOU WANT AND LEAVE. STOP GIVING ME HATE MAIL! I SOLD IT BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT! DON'T JUDGE ME!**

RECAP!

"HE DIDN'T SEE THE NO KILLING SIGN ON THE DOOR!" I screamed, horrified. Everyone stared at me. "Um…sorry…inner voices again…"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME STORY OF DOOM!~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER EIGHT!:**

**CRYING CHILDREN, UNDERWEAR GNOMES, AND CHAINSAWS! **

YAY! "Who am I with this month?" I asked.

"You're with me,** Im sure you'll have fun**." Zetsu smirked.

"THERE'S A REASON YOU WERE LEFT FOR LAST!" I pointed.

"**You look like you'd taste really good…" **

"NO! BAD ZETSU! Have some people candah!" I screamed, throwing him a dozen suckers. "What we doing now? IM BORED!" Zetsu took me and slung me over his shoulder.

"We are going to camp."

"But that means we will have to be with puppet man! And his evah lasting art! DON'T LET HIM TURN ME INTO A PUPPET!"

"Worry not, Koneko, you will not be harmed by any other." "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'any other!' IM NOT BEING EATEN!"

"…**FINE, then let's go grab some children."**

" I may not like children, but I rather not hear them screaming while being eaten." he handed me a pair of ear plugs.

"Problem solved" he said, and continued walking towards the small village/camp they were staying at.

"NO EATING CHILDREN!" I screamed, hitting him with a rolled up news paper.

"**FINE! RUIN ALL MY FUN!"** I laughed.

"ANGRAH FACE!" I mimicked. We got into the camp, instantly having a puppet flung in my face. "GET THIS OFF MY FACE! IT'S NAKED!" I screamed, throwing it away from me.

Who knows, maybe this wont be too bad.

…

…..

…

….

..

.

**OH DEAR LORD! **

"AHHHHHH! NO! BAD SASORI! NO TURNING ME INTO A MINDLESS PUPPET!" I screamed, chucking a used diaper in his face.

"Where the hell did you get a used diaper!" Zetsu questioned.

"I have my sources." BOND IMPRESSION! "IM TIRED! SHOW ME MY CRASH AREAH!" I said yawning. They pointed to a news paper with a bowl in front of it saying 'Koneko' "HELL NO!" I said, pulling out my nest from my back pack. "Taco, time for bed." I flung my pile of blankets on the ground, snuggling in with Taco and falling asleep.

"Koneko….KONEKO! Wake up! We are being ambushed!" Zetsu screamed in my ear, shaking me awake. A huge killer intent crashed on him, he slunk back.

"**WHO THE FUCK WOKE ME UP!**" the enemy ninja stopped attacking and stared at me. Their eyes grew huge. **"I WILL KILL YOU ALL IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHO WAS SO KIND ENOUGH TO WAKE ME UP!" **They all stayed silent. I grabbed a chainsaw from my backpack. I revved it, making all the enemy ninjas scatter, except for one victim I crucified and sacrificed to Jashin-sama, making my statement clear. I wiped my blood-streaked cheek and curled back up in my nest, going back to sleep.

"She may not be a ninja, but she is a hell of a lot scarier." Zetsu sweat-dropped.

"**Let's not wake her up again."**

I awoke fully rested, in my nice, warm, nest with Taco, but something wasn't right. HOLY FUCK WE'RE MOVING! Sasori was using his puppets to carry me and my nest.

"Um…why are we moving?" I inquired softly, not fully hyper or awake.

"**We had to move because of the ninjas, **and we didn't want to wake you up again."

"What do you mean 'again?' I slept the entire night." I was slightly confused.

"No, you weren't. **You even killed an enemy ninja with a chain saw**."

"That's why you don't wake me up. Didn't you read the note Hidan wrote you?" he shook his head. I handed him the note.

_This is one psycho bitch. Whatever you do, don't wake her up, SHE HAS A FUCKING CHAIN SAW! She makes ME look like a fucking cuddly bunny. Oh, and don't steal her food….just don't._

_-Hidan and Kakuzo _

Zetsu looked in his pockets, inside, was all my pocky. I sniffed.

"I smell my fucking pocky you pocky thief! YOU'RE AS BAD AS THE FUCKING UNDERWEAR GNOMES THAT STEAL MY SOCKS!" I screamed taking out my blade of cutting and my secret powah! I put my secret powah into my CD player and made him listen. Yes, that's right, it was a mix CD of Brittany Spears, Michel Jackson, the back Street Boys and White Punks On Dope. He screamed in horror.

"HAHAHA THAT'S MAH SECRET POWAH BITCH!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**I HAVE A FANGIRL! SHE GIGGLES AND EVERYTHING! Im going to name her fluffy! Hehehe, Im so proud. I have stalkers, fangirls, and REVIEWS! I feel famous! Yay!**

**Kick-ASS-Ko-Chan! WOO!**


	9. Cages and smokers

**HEY! Im happy! When am I not happy! …when that clown stole my pocky then stabbed me in the ear with a balloon dog… ;_; mean ass clown. ONWARD!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own, I doubt you own it either, unless you're Kishi or the people from viz. if I did own it, Hannah Montana would die. I don't know why, just because. **

RECAP!

"HAHAHA THAT'S MAH SECRET POWAH BITCH!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME STORY OF DOOM!~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER NINE!:**

**CAGES AND SMOKERS **

Sasori was kind enough to make a puppet capture me and stop me from attacking Zetsu anymore. Ruin all my fun….

"Zetsu, let's put her in a cage. I'm sick of this."

"NOOOOO! WAIT UNTIL AT LEAST THE MIDDLE OF THE STORY! IT'S TOO EARLY TO INTRODUCE THE TITLE!" hehehe, I broke the forth wall…

"**NO! YOU ARE GOING IN A FUCKING CAGE YOU LITTLE BRAT!" **

"…But….I doesn't wanna go in a cage…" I sniffed.

"Too bad. Either that or you're going to become a puppet."

"NO SASO! I shallz take the cage." I did a hero pose.

**IN THE CAGE**

"IM BOOOOOOORRRRED! ENTERTAIN ME!" I screamed, poking the nearest person. (Two to go)

"I SWEAR! IF YOU DON'T STOP POKING ME! I WILL TURN YOU INTO A FUCKING PUPPET WITHOUT A MOUTH!"

"IM BOOOOOOORRRRED!" I banged my head against the cage. I looked in the bushes and saw a trail of smoke along with a cough. "ASUMA! GET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING CAGE! IM BOOOOORRRRED! AND STOP SMOKING! IT'S A DEAD GIVE AWAY!"

"ONLY IF YOU YELL IM HERE!" he tumbled out of the bushes.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE ANYWAY!"

"We came to rescue you…..Again."

"I DON'T WANNA BE RESCUED!"

"But you just said…" "THEY PUT ME IN THE CAGE BECAUSE I WAS BEING ANNOYING! And… I kinda…went on an angry rampage and made him listen to mah secret powah!"

"Why are you in our camp? And how did you find us?"

"Um…you can hear her shrieking from Suna. Gaara is even complaining. Konoha is suffering from the noise."

"LIAR!" I banged my head against the cage harder "LET **-CRASH- **ME **-CRASH- **OUT **-CRASH- **YOU **-CRASH- **MOTHER **-CRASH- **FUCKER **-CRASH- **IM -**CRASH- **BOOOOOORRRRRED! **-CRASH**-"

"She's more annoying than when we first put her in there." Sasori screamed, covering his ears with his hands. Suddenly, Asuma came and grabbed the cage and booked it.

"BEAM ME UP SCOTTIE! WANANANANANAH!" I waved my arms around "LEFT!" he did as told and ran us into a tree. " HAHAHA! YOU ACTUALLY DID IT! What kind of loser ninja are you!" I chuckled.

"The kind of ninja that can easily crush you into dust."

"TRY ME BIG BOY!" I stuck my tongue out. "Daisy Daisy, give me your answer true, I'm half crazy, over the love of you, SOMETHING ABOUT MARRIAGE, I cant afford a carriage, BUT YOU'D LOOK SWEET, UPON THE SEAT, OF A BICYCLE BUILT FOR TWO! Henry, Henry, here is your answer true, you're half crazy, if you think I'd marry you! If you can't afford a carriage, there won't be any marriage! And I'd be damned, if I'd be crammed, on a bicycle build for two! I CAN MAKE MY EYES JIGGLE!" I jiggled my eyes. OMFUGJ!(Oh My Fucking Underwear Gnome Jashin)

**I JUST HAD A MOTHER FUCKING FLASH BACK TO MY WORLD!**

I was walking to my locker when I saw Todd. Only someone was next to Todd. HE LOOKED JUST LIKE TODD! I ran up next to him.

"TODD! THERE IS SOMEONE NEXT TO YOU THAT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU! CLONE!" I pointed at the stalker, who is obviously trying to steal his brain, go back to the future and sell it on eBay.

"He's not a clone, we go through this every day Koneko. He's my twi-" I slapped the not-Todd.

"IMPOSTER!"

"KONEKO! THAT'S MY TWIN! FELIX!"

"EVIL TWIN!" I continued slapping.

"Koneko! Stop hitting me! I see you every day first hour! YOU'RE MY CHEMISTRY PARTNER!" I stopped hitting the not-Todd.

"Is that why the teacher pronounces your name wrong? I kept correcting her on it." THIS IS TOOOOOODDDD! Not Flex or however the hell you foreign teachers pronounce it…

"uh, yeah!"

"oh…." I walked off.

NEXT HOUR

"OH MY FUCKING UNDERWEAR GNOME JASHIN! TODD LOOK BEHIND YOU!"

**FLASH BACK END….OR IS IT!**

No, no it isn't.

YES IT IS! HAHAHA! -_- I am pleased.

"What the hell was that!" Asuma said startled.

"ONE OF MY MANY AWESOME KICK-ASS ADD ONS!" to the awesome package of ME!

"Yeah….." Oh shit! How much time had passed! I was set in the center of the Hokage's office with Tsunade staring me directly in the face.

"…." me

"…."Tsunade

"…."

"…."

"…Can I braid your hair?"

"No"

"Can you let me out off this cage?"

"No"

"Can I braid your hair now?"

"No" I feel something crawling on me, I pick it up very carefully and examine it. I huff.

"Where the fuck is Shino?"

"Why do you ask"

"Could you just get him in here!" she stares at me for a moment before having an ANBU go fetch him. He comes in with his dark sunglasses and trench coat.

"You called?" he said, bowing

"hey Shino, why are your chakra beetles on me?" I questioned, holding up the tiny bug.

"I suppose a couple got away." I swear I saw him smirk

"ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME BECAUSE IM IN A DOG CAGE!"

"No, not at all."

"Riiiiight, will you just get your beetles off me before Taco eats them? I like them too much for them to be Taco food…" Taco peaked his head out of my nest that was also in the cage. "HOW DID I GET HERE!" I twirl my head around the room. Shino didn't have to call his bugs back, they all scattered off of me.

"Interesting…"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**O.O don't you just love me? How much I update….. How much I rock…. Oh and guess what! I just UPDATED!**

**Ko-chan!(OR IS IT!) **

…**no, no it isn't. it's the NOT TODD!**

**By the way…thanx to these guys.**

**Icey-chanXHatsuharu: the best beta ive eva had!**

**The Jackle: Im glad you like it…**

**Gaara-rules: ^_^ I can't believe jack shut the site down… ;_;**

**Akatsuki-Lover007: that's kinda what I was shooting for…**

**Kurashikku Sero: you rock my multicolor sox!**

**Insanity4apples:YOU BETTER UPDATE SOON!**

**Piper: wish granted.**

**Riia luvs you: yes, yes you did lose the game…SO DID I!**


	10. RANDOM POP UPS!

**People question how sane I am, I question if my sanity even exists… O.O….that is all. ONWARD!**

**Disclaimer: WHAAAAT! SINCE WHEN DIDN'T I OWN NARUTO! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN…wait….DAMN YOU MEL! I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM MY STUFF! Damn internet inventing eBay….T_T**

RECAP!

"Interesting…"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME STORY OF DOOM!~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER TEN!:**

**RANDOM POP-UPS!**

"WHEN THE HELL DID THIS GET HERE! WHEN WAS I PUT IN A CAGE!"

"Last chapter…" Tsunade concluded.

"Oh…right…"

-BANG!-

"HOLY SHIT! WHY IS THIS THERE!" I continued to zone out at the bomb in my lap.. "Oh…it's a bomb…Author-me just said so…OMFUGJ! A BOMB!" I chucked it out of the HUGE gape in the wall that just magically appeared. Deidara popped his head up.

"Hey guys, what are you doing here?"

"Rescuing you, yeah!" he ran and grabbed my cage and ran.

"WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I NEED RESCUING! IM NOT A MARY-SUE!" (Don't know what it means? LOOK IT UP!)

RANDOM POP UP!

"What the hell was that?" I questioned

"Apparently it was a random pop up, yeah…"

"Can I touch it?"

"I wouldn't., yeah." I went closer to the random pop up and poked it. It snarled at me.

"GERRRRR! ANGRAH FACE OF DOOM!" I screamed, making the random pop up scamper away crying. "Hehehe, that's why I'm banned from McDonalds.."

"Uh….yeah.." Deidei sweat dropped.

"CHILDREN TASTE LIKE BACON! But only three year olds…its weird.."

"You know this how, yeah!"

"…don't ask, just don't ask…it brings up bad memories."

"I wont, Yeah…."

"YOU JUST DID YOU BIG LIAR! **-CRASH- **SAILING SAILING JUMPING OFF THE RAILING! DRINKING DRINKING TILL THE SHIP IS SINKING! GAMBLING STEALING LOTS OF SEX APPEALING!" this song reminds me so much of the Akatsuki…I don't know why…it just does.. Come let us sing the sailor song!

"Pickle and a poorly made sandwich!"

"Why. Yeah?"

"Because I am a Jesus deer!" (Watch princess Mononoke….just. Do. It.) "INSERT RANDOM MOVIE REFERENCE HERE!"

RANDOM POP UP!

"WHY DO THESE THINGS KEEP COMING UP! I ASKED FOR A RANDOM MOVIE REFERENCE! NOT A POP UP!" I complained, hitting the random pop up with a GIANT HAMMER! "Taco…SICK EM!" Taco came flying out of nowhere and started mauling the random pop up.

"Well…this is entertaining…." Shino DEFINITELY smirked.

"DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME!"

"…No promises…"

"CHEWBACCA!" oh, there's the random movie reference…

"I see…so where were we going with the plot line?"

"Deidei was going to rescue me because I apparently am the Mary Sue type."

"Oh right."

"THEN LETS GO YEAH!"

RANDOM POP UP!

"GO AWAY! NO ONE LIKES YOU!"

**;_;Random face…**

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

…**I kinda feel bad for the random pop up…Koneko is mean…THAT IS ALL! JA NE!**

**Ko-chan! (OR IS IT)**

**Yes…yes it is.**


	11. Mel, branches and dead bodies!

**HEY! Listen…HEY! Listen… I UPDATED! You love me don't you…?**

**Disclaimer: N. A. R-U-TO! Who don't I own! NARUTO! (…and any other thing I reference to…)**

RECAP!

"GO AWAY! NO ONE LIKES YOU!"

**;_;Random face…**

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME STORY OF DOOM!~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER 11: **

**MEL, BRANCHES AND DEAD BODIES**

"Why didn't you **tell me before**?"(it seems Deidei already rescued me and we are already headed back in the camp….DON'T JUDGE ME! I HAD A WRITERS BLOCK!)

"BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO THEN!" I screamed, doing the happy dance. (Hint hint)

"Well, just **go behind that bush." **Zetsu said pointing at the plant.

"NO! Everyone knows that's when predators like to eat you and stuff. Watch a scary movie every now and again! IM PRETTY SURE YOU'VE BEEN IN ONE!" hahaha, point one for MUAH!

"**Fine, then**. Hold it until we get there."

"Get where?"

"Our camp, **DUMBASS**!"

"You're mean."

"**OR AM I!"**

"You hang around me too much for your own good, I think I'm rubbing off on you." we were back at the camp with Sasori just staring at me.

…..

…

….

…..

….

…

..

.

"You do know that Deidara has a man crush on you right?"

"I took that into consideration, yes."

"Why else would he call you 'Danna' which means master AND husband? Which one does he mean man! IT'S CONFUZILING!"

"Are you done?"

"Yes, I believe I am." which reminds me… "I GOTTA PEE!" I screamed, rushing to the bathroom. I wonder how I got this way. VENDETTA! Hehehe… I came out of the bathroom to see a puppet of Taco dancing in front of me. "Did you kill Taco?" I started to cry, running over to the puppeteer. "YOU ASSHOLE!" Zetsu gave Sasori a funny look.

"**That's right; we killed Taco because we are sick of him constantly attacking us!"**

"THAT GIVES YOU NO REASON TO KILL HIM!"

"Actually, I believe it makes a suitable argument." Sasori commented.

"NO IT DOESN'T! HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND! BRING HIM _**BACK**_!"

"No." Sasori smirked. I ran off into the woods balling, they just busted out laughing.

"**Should we tell her? **I kinda feel bad."

"No, I feel we should let her figure it out by herself."

**SAY WHAAAAT?**

While I was sobbing in the forest, I heard screaming. I turned my head, nothing; I turned my head the other way, nothing. I looked up, there it was. Mel was screaming at the top of her lungs, Purple hair flailing in the wind. Then she hit me.

"YOUR ASS IS CONSUMING MY FACE MEL!"

"WELL! YOUR FACE IS BEING CONSUMED BY MY ASS!"

"Just get off me…"

"My pleasure, your royal bitchness."

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE!"

"Its not that hard, I heard your screaming and fell in the flipping DRAINAGE PIPE!"

"Have you seen Taco?"

"Uh, Yeah, he's right in your backpack." she pointed to the turkey head poking out of my zipper.

"TACO!" I jumped up and down, fully ridding him of access feathers. Wait. "Where's Paco?"

"Oh, she is somewhere around here looking for some food." Speaking of the devil, Paco, Mel's attack raccoon came out of no where, flopping onto my head.

"Can we go back to my camp? I have to give Zetsu and Sasori a royal ass beating." "OMFUGJ!"

"It's easier than it sounds."

"NOT what I meant! YOU are in CAMP with Zetsu and Sasori! Can I go see Rock Lee!"

"Um…NO. This is an Akatsuki fic. NOT leaf village. Maybe later."

"Aww… but-but-in the earlier chapters you got to see Gaara!"

"But I didn't stay! Besides, the Akatsuki is fun! HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT! Come and join the fun, Mel!" I said creepily, motioning toward me.

"GOT MILK!"

"LOTS! Join us Mel!" I took her hand and started to drag her away.

"WHAT THE HELL! Your hands are freezing! We know what YOU haven't been doing…"

"OMFUGJ! A DEAD BODY!" I screamed. Circling around the carcass of Sasuke. I took a stick and jabbed him in the eye. "I've always wanted to see a dead body!" I said, continuing poking him. Mel joined me, grabbing a large branch and hitting him in the face. We must have fell on him when she landed. He groaned.

"HOLY FUCK! KONEKO! HE'S NOT DEAD!" she screamed stepping back to hit him again with the branch. I stopped her from giving him a death blow.

"Well! Quick! Knock him the fuck out so he doesn't kill us!" I mean, it is Sasuke we're talking about…with his giant butt bow…and his emo…ness. She took the large branch, and with all her strength, hit him in the head. "OI! I said knock him out! Not kill him!" I smacked her on the head.

"Lets go drop him off at the leaf village! They'll know what to do with him. Hey! While we're there, can I see Lee!" I rolled my eyes.

"Sure…I guess." I sighed. "Take his legs, I got his head, and be 'EXTRA CAREFUL' we wouldn't want to hurt that pretty little Uchiha head of his, would we?" I said sarcastically. She smirked.

**LEAF VILLAGE!…with lots of brain damage ahead of us…**

We arrived at the gates and were very welcomed. The guards ran to our sides.

"HEY! We are going to take her-him to lady hokage, and collect our bounty." they stood down instantly. We walked through town and got various amounts of surprised, shocked, and scared faces. We knocked on the Hokage's door. She shouted a welcome(Not that nice…) we dropped him on the ground.

"This yours?" Mel said, pointed to the unconscious Uchiha. I busted out laughing.

"Sasuke belongs to no village currently, but he looks like he's been to hell and back…"

"Yeah…something like that." Mel grinned evilly, obviously hiding the splinters in her hands from holding that branch so hard…

"Sorry, we kinda have hard feelings for the guy…so we used this opportunity to kick his ass, not being ninja, it seemed like the perfect and only chance we had."

"I see." she waved to nearby ANBU and then flushed. "I know you! You're the crazy fox-girl that was in that dog cage!" she pointed accusingly at me.

"Fox-girl?" I questioned. I don't look like a…oh. Yeah. I forgot. I do look like a fox to some nature… With my red hair and stuff…Mel shrugged. Naruto, Lee, Sakura, Shino, Kiba, and Kakashi entered the room.

"SASUKE!" they all repeated.

"You can all thank these two for bringing him home." we smirked. We're not even ninja and we brought home their most prized possession. They just kind of stared at us…then, remembering to hold back Mel a little too late, she tackled Lee to the ground. All the ninja's went into fighting stances.

"Oh please, she's just having fun." I waved. Rock Lee was gasping for air and trying to get away.

"NO! You. Lee. Now. STILL!" He stopped moving instantly.

"MEL! NO TIME! COME NOW!" she grumbled, holding Lee tighter. "Don't make me go get back up!" I started to reach into my pocket. She scrambled behind Lee and whistled for Paco. I rolled my eyes, lucky me, I get to do it the hard way. "Taco, take Paco, I got Mel." I smirked, grabbing my secret POWAH! "Yo Kiba, can I borrow Akimaru for a sec?" Kiba shrugged and the big dog padded over to me. He dragged her off Lee and we were on our way. "SORRY FOR THE TROUBLE GUYS!" Now I get to give Sasori a royal ass beating…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**I must really like you guys! This is the 3****rd**** personal record I've broken in account of this story! ^_^ yay! Oh and the other OC is my friend Becky's. I completely broke her character…Sorry Becky.**

**Ko-chan!(hehehe, nope, its Not Todd again… Just dropping by..)**


	12. something something something DARK SIDE!

HEY! I got HAIR DYE! Im so happy! By the way, I made a mistake on the thingy that I did with the reviews, sorry. THAT IS ALL! ONWARD!

Disclaimer: I own an Itachi plushy, no Naruto, they were sold out…

**RECAP!**

**Now I get to give Sasori a royal ass beating…**

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME STORY OF DOOM!~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**CHAPTER 12: **

**Something something something DARK SIDE!**

We were on our way back to camp (again) and Mel hasn't said a single word to me since I pried her off of Lee. I just get grumbles and the occasional death glare. Thankfully, Taco and Paco didn't get hurt, just emotionally scarred.

"Listen Mel, if I didn't have business to take care of, I would have let you stay!"

"Why didn't you just leave me?"

"You would stalk me and you know it! That would lead the entire leaf village right to the Akatsuki! YOU DOBE!" She slapped me on the back of the head.

"DAMN YOU GAKI FOR KNOWING ME SO WELL!"

"DON'T CALL ME GAKI YOU BAKA!"

"DON'T CALL ME BAKA YOU GAKI!"

"DON'T CALL ME GAKI YOU BAKA!"

**A COUPLE HOURS LATER.**

"DON'T CALL ME BAKA YOU GAKI!"

"DON'T CALL ME GAKI YOU- hey, what's Rock Lee doing?" I said, pointing to the big eyes and bushy eyebrows staring at us from behind a tree. He panicked and ducked.

"LEE! HERE! NOW!" Mel ordered. He shuffled out of his hiding place and ran over to Mel; she patted him on the head and gave him a cookie.

"AWW! I wanna cookie!" I whined. She sighed and threw a cookie. "Hehehe, I'm so fucking smart it hurts sometimes…"

"That's not you being smart, that's the rest of your brain trying to escape. It's too over worked, Im reporting you to CPS!" (Cranium Protective Services.)Rock Lee smiled.

"What YOUTHFUL RIVALRY! You make me want to go TRAIN!" He started doing push ups.

"No. Pants. Off. NOW!" He stopped "training" and unzipped his jumpsuit.

"MEL! NOT SOMETHING I WANT TO SEE! GET RID OF HIM! WE GOTTA GET BACK TO CAMP!"

"But-but-I wanna hang out with Lee!"

"FINE! But don't bring back Leaf village Nin to camp! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE-oh wait.. I forgot that Paco has my sent…" I just continued on my way. I wonder if the Akatsuki misses me.

**AT THE CAMP!**

I stared blankly at the abandoned camp, revving my chainsaw and randomly cutting down trees.

"ASSHOLES!" I screamed, chopping down another tree. "TRAITORS!" another crash. "I CANT BELIEVE THEY LEFT WITHOUT ME! THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS ARE GOING TO DIE! IM GONNA-" In mid rampage, a hand stopped me. I dropped my chainsaw, letting it fall to the ground and automatically turn off.

"Koneko, you don't need to be so moody." I swung around to see a spiral orange mask.

"Madara" I growled. He pulled up his mask and winked at me, grabbing my wrists.

"Something something something DARK SIDE!" (Not actually said, but it's what I heard!)

"Get off me!" I screamed, trying to scramble away.

**I lack the detail and experience to write an appropriate Lime, the one I did write, my friends/critics disapproved of, therefore, we are just going to see the cruel fact, I'm a horrible dirty writer, and that they did it. She is no longer a virgin, and-(insert elongated explanation of 'SHE LOST HER VIRGINITY' here.) and she fainted, because Madara is an ass.**

**When I woke up (I just REALLY wanted to do this skit.)**

Madara was sitting next to me, placing a rag on my forehead. My eyes fluttered open.

"You took my virginity." I stated flatly.

"That I did."

"I need it back." he stared confused at me.

"W-what?"

"When you take something, you have to give it back in better condition then when you got it, I need a new virginity."

"I'm afraid I don't know how to do that."

"Then why did you take it if you can't give it back?"

"Well, we'll call it an exchange; you were my first time as well."

"WHAT! You're like 300!"

"Relationships aren't my cup of tea."

"Then have coffee." He raised an eyebrow. "What about whores?"

"Why with a whore when you can give it to someone you don't have to pay."

"Well, you stole that from me, didn't you?" I crossed my arms. He seemed hurt. "I bet I won't be able to walk right for days!"

"Exactly." he smiled, pinning me down. I stared at him; I was in no mood to fight him. He laughed and let me up. Pain shot through me. DAMN.

"Pissing you off is way too easy, Koneko." I glared at him, limping away. I got re-dressed and unzipped the tent. I wonder where Taco went. Probably still with Paco, they did grow up together. I limped to my chainsaw. WHY DIDN'T I USE THIS! Dear Jashin, did he butt-rape me when I was asleep? If not, why does my ass hurt so fucking much? I limped back over to the tent quietly, turning my chainsaw on and ripping through the tent.

"THIS IS WHAT YOU GET MOTHER FUCKER!" I sliced through him and was saddened to see a log in his place. "Damn." Where the hell is Mel? All I have to look for is a girl shouting commands at a guy with a bowl cut.

"HARDER!" there it is. "DAMMIT LEE! HARDER!" um….maybe I'll come back later… "NO LEE! KICK HARDER!" Oh. Never mind… I wobbled towards the noise and saw Mel screaming at Lee, who was desperately kicking a log.

"You're going to work him to death!"

"OMFUGJ! You look like shit!"

"Well, blame Madara."

"Do I have to neuter him?"

"I tried and failed." with a chainsaw, I added quietly.

"What did he do to you to diminish your youth!" Lee said, striking a nice guy pose.

"He raped me." Mel took a katana out of no where, flames engulfed her.

"WHERE THE HELL IS HE!"

"I don't know Mel, now calm the fuck down." I said, holding her shoulders. "SHAKEN BABY SYNDROME!" I said, shaking her. "We just need to find the hide out. Say bye to Lee."

"Lee, don't follow us, go back to Konoha, I'll see you later." She winked at him. My mind flashed to Madara. I screamed in horror.

"WHAT!"

"Nothing lets go." I said, limping quickly away.

"Let me carry you, if you're in pain."

"No, I am NOT weak." OMFUGJ! Im turning into LEE!

"Stop being a pussy and get on my shoulders!"

"NO!"

"NOW!"

"Fine…" I said, climbing on her shoulders.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**HEY! I SUCK! Oh and yes, yes he did butt-rape her. Pweeze review.**

**Ko-chan! (Trust me, it's her alright.)**


	13. crack, steroids and sake!

**Okay, before anyone says anything, I apologize for not updating sooner. ^_^; my bad, I was having abnormal flashbacks and hearing things…soooooo yeah. THE FLASHBACKS WEREN'T EVEN MINE! Weird…. THERE ARE FOUR CHAPTERS BEFORE THIS ONE YOU NEED TO READ IF YOU JUST CAME ON THE READY…..thing…ONWARD!**

**Disclaimer: um, I own nothing; I don't even own most of the ideas, blame brain damage…**

Recap!

"NOW!"

"Fine…" I said, climbing on her shoulders.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME STORY OF DOOM!~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER 13: **

**CRACK, STEROIDS AND SAKE!**

We flew through the forest, avoiding trees and such.

"You know, maybe it's not such a bad thing that we can't find them…" I trailed off.

"I have to Neuter Madara. You're my little sister(not biologically) I have to protect you."

"I am a grown….slightly small child!"

"Hur hur, you just need to face it, he's going to find you again, why not have the advantage and find him first?""Then I get to cut off his balls with a chainsaw?" (This guy cut his balls off with a chainsaw…in Sweden.)

"Yes, Koneko, you may cut off his balls with a chainsaw.." she sighed.

"I still owe Sasori a jab in the sexually unrealistic wooden balls of his."

"Exactly."

"Wait…how are you running so fast?"

"Its called crack, my friend. Mix it with steroids and sake and it does wonders." I paused, raising an eyebrow. "I got it from Rock Lee." I smacked her on the head with a glass jar (I keep clenched behind my Buttocks!) [From Yu-Gi-Oh abridged…] she threw me on the ground.

"We're here, little sistah." I groaned, getting up from the ground. I scratched my head.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive, my common sense is tingling."

"Wow, you haven't used that one in a while, I wasn't sure you still had it." I smirked at my witty come-back, laughing to myself until she tackled me. "OW! Hey! Get off! Are we just going to stand around, or find the entrance?" I said, searching the walls. "FOUND IT!" I turned the knob, a rope snapped and I was dangling upside down. "I should have seen that coming…." Mel cut me down and chuckled, snapping ANOTHER wire. "Smooth.." we dodged a barrage of…sporks? They DEFINITELY hung out with me too much… "HEY GUYS!" I screamed. "TIS YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE, BACK TO HAUNT YOU!" I heard doors slam shut, then Tobi come full speed.

"KO-CHAN! TOBI KNEW YOU'D COME BACK!" he glomped me.

"I suggest you run." I turned to see Mel, fully ready to go psycho on this dude, sword in hand, a very evil look in her eye, and of course, Paco on the attack. Tobi squeaked, stumbling and taking off. Hur hur…

**Later on…**

The Akatsuki decided to let Mel in, and we would be partners. Tobi held an ice pack to his crotch, shouting a stream of curses every time he walked or shifted in his seat. It was so funny! Mel let him keep his dangly parts in a jar, he named them Lily.

"Why a girl's name?" Mel asked.

"Because that's what Tobi is now!" he snapped. Oh how the great do fall.

"You're lucky, at least she did it professionally this time. I remember one time, she neutered a guy with a nail and a dull butter knife, and HE just touched Megumi-sama's-"

"The fact is, YOU are lucky I do not have the right tools to do it horribly." she glared at me, giving me a telepathic 'shut the hell up.' Tobi gulped.

"I want a mission!" I squealed. "IM **BORED**!" almost immediately, Pein handed me an envelop.

_Go…do stuff. Whatever you want! Just GET OUT OF OUR HAIR!_

_-Pein_

WOO! I wanna go get more TOILET PAPER from our world!

"How the HELL did this work?" Mel shouted from the ground, staring up at me in a tree.

"ITS EASY! JUST JUMP!" I said, pushing hard off the tree and floating upward. Hur hur, I love it when I'm right. I didn't fall unconscious this time! Seconds later Mel came out of the hole.

"WAKE UP YOU BIG LUG!" I shook her awake. I turned around and instantly got a metaphorical slap in the face. The road was dug up and in pieces. "WHAT THE HELL!"

"Does this mean they are going to destroy the portal?" Mel questioned.

"I think so! I MEAN COME ON!" I motioned to the road. "Lets get our stuff and get back!" I said, taking off at a run. Mel booked it after me.

We got to the automatic doors at wal-mart, had a couple T.P. fights and hit the counter. We both looked at each other, then at the expecting cashier. I sheepishly handed him Ryo. He rose an eyebrow.

"This isn't even to this date." he said.

"Well, then it will be worth more."

"I still can't except this." he shook his head and handed it back.

"Don't be all mean, just take it!" I pushed it to him.

"Here, you give me your money, and I will pay off your bill." an old lady said, handing me American money.

"Thank you!" I gave her the Ryo. We made it back to the DRAINAGE PIPE, but then it hit me.

"Do we stay in our world forever, or leave forever?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**You have no idea how much leaves hurt! Try getting a paper cut ON YOUR ASS! T_T just don't….**

**KO-CHAN!**


	14. Choice

**Okay, so this is like, the last chapter. Im sad. ;_; this is like part of my soul! By the way…the mystery won! I AM making a sequel! ONWARD!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, the people arrested all my witty come backs, and sadly, I can't pay bail for them.**

RECAP!

"Do we stay in our world forever, or leave forever?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EFFIN AWESOME STORY OF DOOM! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**CHAPTER 14: **

**Choice**

"OF COURSE WE SHOULD GO!" Mel shouted.

"BUT IF WE GO, WE CAN NEVER COME BACK!"

"NO ONE LIKES US HERE!"

"EVERYONE IS AFRAID OF US THERE!"

"Lee is there…"

"I know."

"And he was turning out quite nicely."

"You need to stop TRAINING men!"

"Well, we'll flip a coin!"

"OKAY, THAT WORKS!" I said, pulling out a penny I picked up from the parking lot of wal-mart. I tossed it in the air.

"Heads is stay." Mel called. Letting it tink slightly on the ground, then roll into the drainage pipe.

"SHIT!" I said panicky, hands searching for the lost coin. I heard the coin hit water, and knew it was lost. A couple seconds later, a wave of black exploded from the pipe.

"OH TOTO! I don't believe we're in Kansas anymore!" we turned to see Dorthy with Toto in a basket, then the wave blasted back, before we could blink. We seemed to be in the Naruto universe….without all the Naruto..Ness.

"H-hey Mel…were did all the 'Our world' go?" I stuttered. Her normally purple hair started turning brown. "MEL! YOUR HEAD IS BEING CONSUMED BY BROWN!" I screamed, chucking a stick at her face. She picked up a strand and screamed at the top of her voice.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!" She plucked at my hair, examining it closely. "Why didn't your hair change?" I looked at my still red-and-white hair and shrugged.

"Maybe your color was too purple?"

"I don't know…but what ever happened. My hair is brown now."

"BROWNY BROWN BROWNICAN BROWN! MRS BROWN!"

"WEEEEELLLL! Call me a tulip, plant me in the ground and water my HEAD!"

"But…..but then the color might wash out!"

"ITS NOT KOOL-AID YOU FOOL! IT'S LORIEL! Because I'm worth it. Like Snape." she smirked.

"You're worth NOTHING!" I paused. "WHY ARE WE DOING NOTHING ABOUT THE FACT THAT OUR WORLD HAS TURNED INSIDE OUT?"

"Because…..Snape come-backs!" she whined

"KONEKO! MEL! KONEKO! COME QUICK!" some random person we supposedly knew shouted, dragging us to the Hokage….mountain. Mel's face was the most recent up there. Right next to the log.

"OZ MAH GOSH MEL! CHU ARRRRE DE HOKAGE!"

"Yeah, well, YOU'RE the Kazekage!" the person we….didn't really care about screamed.

"OMFUGJ! I GIT A BIG POINTY HAT!" Mel slapped me.

"YOU'RE LOOSING FOCUS! WE HAVE TO FIX THIS!"

"Everyone else seems to be adjusting quickly!"

"YES BUT THIS ISN'T OUR WORLD!"

"Nu, BUT IT COULD BE!" I pouted. Mel crossed her arms and started to tap her foot. I through my hands up in the air. "FINE! I'll go find the mother-fuck'n-tree!" I trudged off. A thought occurred. If we are in this world…well..It might work! I did a couple hand signs and "TADA!" 3 replicas of MUAH stared at me. "AWWWWWWW we're even magical too!" I said sadly. DAMN YOU MEL! DAMN YOU AND YOUR BROWNNESS! I remember etching in a doodle of a hamster playing foosball with a monkey on the tree we used, soooo all I had to do was look for that!

**A long…long….longlonglonglong time later.**

"IM GUNNA BE STUCK IN THIS FOREST FOREVER! IM NEVER GOING TO FIND IT! EAAAAAAHHH!" I screamed, kicking everything in sight. I tripped on a rock and landed face first in a puddle, getting up, I caught my reflection, I WAS TURNING INTO A FEMALE VERSION OF GAARA! NO WONDER MY HAIR DIDN'T CHANGE! And why the hell did her hair turn brown?… "We gotta get OUTTA here fast before I get a crush on myself!" I turned around wildly searching for the tree, finally, I spotted it. "DAMN YOU IRONY!" I screamed into the sky, "MEEEEELLLLL! GETCHUR ASS OVA HERE!" A pretty good girl version of Neji came running toward me. "THAT WASN'T IN THE MANGA!"

"Yeah well, neither were we!" She said, flailing her limbs.

"HAHAHA! You turned into _Neji_…" I funned. "WAIT! Neji was NEVA HOKAGE!"

"NOOOOOOO really! Who knows what happened! JUST CLIMB UP THAT TREE AND FIX IT!"

"DON'T PRESSURE ME!" I climbed up the tree and jumped, just to find the ground….then float up again, then float back down. "ITS GOT A MIND OF ITS OWN, DOCTOR!" I said, passing out.

**WANANANANANANA TIME SKIP!**

I woke up in a house….which is weird. I glanced around to find an orange mask in my face.

"Hello Tobi." I smiled.

"….K-Koneko?" Tobi asked.

"Uh-huh. I'm trying to fix this mess." I stated.

"You don't look like Koneko! PROVE IT!"

"**DON'T GIVE ME ORDERS! OR I WILL TAKE YOUR DICK OFF NEXT TIME!** By the way, how is Lily?" (BWAHAHAHA, you guys remember what he named the 'things' in the jar?)

"KONEKO!" he hugged me.

"Great, now, give me a penny and show me where the portal is."

**PORTALLLLAAALLLLAALALA…..L**

We stood outside the portal, I flicked the penny in. I herd the plop and waited impatiently…

"Hmmmm, maybe, a DIME!" I said, flicking said dime into the pipe. Nothing. "A NICKEL!" I screamed, and failed. "QUARTER!" Nothing. "DOG!" ….still nothing "TOBI!"

"AHHHHHHHH" AHah! I think I got a wave or two! **Why don't you throw your chainsaw in? Maybe that would work! **

"I AM NOT THROWING FLORANCE IN A DRAINAGE PIPE! STUPID VOICE MONOLOGUE THING!" **I-I was just trying to help…** "WELL DON'T!" **…** "Lets throw some more people in."

**After throwing the entire Akatsuki, two parakeets, a poodle, a lawn gnome, and some funions**

"Let's see….what else can we throw in?" I snapped my fingers, "OF COURSE!" I said, chucking a couple of large scale Barbie dream cars and Chuck Norris. The wave of black hit again. "I FIXED…ED IT!" I said, the black around my eyes fading. Suddenly, a huge object fell on me. "….ow…"

**BLACK OUT**!

I woke up in a Naruto world hospital bed. The faint sound of my pulse beeped vigorously and my skull pounded. I next then heard voices, I opened my eyes slightly.

"D-did I fix it?" I said weakly, straining my voice to talk.

"Don't exert yourself too much; you were hit by a cow. Yes, you fixed it, and I am grateful."

"What exactly do you mean, 'hit by a cow'?" I questioned, turning to the person I was speaking to. "G-GAARA!"

"Yes, I mean, a cow fell from the sky during the change, and….hit you." he stated bluntly.

"Why may I ask are you here?"

"Again, during the change, you were announced Kazekage, if you are the closest to my personality, then I wished to meet you, being surprised to have already met you, so I decided to stay for a bit so we could talk, and not have you pin me down and sing to me." he closed his eyes.

"But I am waaaaaay louder and more hyper than you! How are we the same?" "Inside…and slightly outside, you are…different, like me (insert long speech about how we are the same…blah blah blah drama drama) you see?"

"Ahhh okay?"

"Oh yes, and I am the one who found you. I am supposed to give you a message from Tobi, he is not happy you threw him down a portal, but since you got everything back to normal, he forgives you."

"Did you throw a book at him when he said that?"

"You have no idea how much I wanted to." I chuckled, looking around.

"Where is Mel?" I said franticly.

"You could say, 'Training' my dear friend Lee."

"Yeah, that sounds like her." I said, trying to get up from the bed but being pushed back down by Gaara.

"You may be strong willed, but your body needs rest." he urged.

"FINE! Would you go get her then so I can pay her back fully?"

"Yes, I believe I can." he said, waltzing gracefully out of the room.

**Do do do do do do do do DO dodododododo(elevator music to pass the time) **

Mel came into the room, standing by my bed, and slightly smiling

"YOUR WELCOME MEL!"

"WHO SAID I WAS THANKIN YA!"

"Well, I kinda saved the world…I need a LITTLE bit of gratitude!"

"You didn't save the world, you just rearranged the terrain! It was YOUR fault in the first place! I COULD HAVE LIVED WITH LEE ANYWAY! YOU NEEDED TO BE **FORCED** To save the world!" I blinked at her. "I rest my case."

"You have a point….several, but still, YOU didn't throw Chuck Norris down a drainage pipe, I DID! AND I GOT YOUR HAIR BACK TO NORMAL! So please, just a LITTLE thank you, thanks, gee you did well would be nice."

"Chuck Norris?"

"Yes! I threw, CHUCK NORRIS down a DRAINAGE PIPE!" A long pause, full of awkward silence and death glares(AWKWARD SILENCE!).

"…Thanks." she said ruefully.

"We could have been magical…" I pouted. Gaara (who was leaning up against the door frame ALL ALONG!) just smirked and shook his head.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*THE END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**I IZ DOIN A SEQUEL! PREVIEW! I LUVS CHU ALL! THANX! I passed out twice in this….but I was hit by a cow…forgive me?**

So, summary, somehow I convince Gaara to marry me, Rock Lee and Mel are engaged and the Akatsuki are searching for us because…well….I threw them down a drainage pipe!

EFFIN AWESOME SEQUEL OF DOOM! Look through your local fan fiction in about a MONTH!


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